Assessing clients for personality types prior to REACHing forgiveness is imperative because it gives insight to both client and therapist, the client’s natural tendencies.
Big Five personality traits– should be graded O.C.E.A.N.
- Openness to experience
- Conscientiousness
- Extroversion vs Introversion
- Agreeableness
- Neuroticism
Three Types of Personality
- Grudge-Holding Disposition (unforgiving)– passive resistance
- Vengeful Disposition (unforgiving)– anger & hatred
- Forgiving Disposition (often apparent soon after birth)
The grudge-holder fears being a victim, hurt, offended and angry which is associated with pain and suffering (not destruction.) These people often suffer from sadness or depression. Unchecked grudge-holders lead to feelings of, “resentment, bitterness, hostility, hatred, anger and fear. And is characterized by feelings of passive resistance [nastiness] than active retaliation and or in-your-face opposition. It wishes harm and misfortune on the offender, but does not usually perpetrate it.” (Worthington, p. 112, 2006.) *A predictor of grudge-holding includes scoring high in neuroticism.
The vengeful disposition channels unforgiveness with vengeful motives and actions. This type is prone to punish those whom they perceive are hurtful. Childhood wounds/traumas (damaging the hippocampus) is often common (Worthington, p. 112, 2006.) As are middle school experiences that were toxic and or harmful. Rumination plays a critical role in the vengeful personality type, in that the focus then becomes on getting even, striking back, trying to regain lost honor, avenging oneself– living in an active and often volatile mood of anger and hatred, these persons are often more outgoing and thus highly value taking action to “get back at” someone as they perceive justice in their own minds (Worthington, p. 113, 2006.) *A predictor of a vengeful personality is that of low-agreeableness and extroversion (as conflicts are interpersonally stimulating.)
The forgiving personality is a rare gift from God. Worthington notes that often people who have a truly forgiving nature are those that are born with this particular temperament and that it is already evident within the first few years of life! (p. 113, 2006.) Simply put, some children are more predisposed to love and altruism than other children.
*In the end, anyone who has suffered an offense, be it childhood trauma (i.e. abuse), adult infidelity, abandonment, rape. . . anything that one feels deeply grieved by (deep grievances typically are a result of an explicit sin) are candidates for this form of therapy. People suffering from current severe trauma, however, may need to become slightly more desensitized before working through the memories of the events.